Is This Turn-On or Trauma?
How to Tell What Your Body’s Really Saying About Sex
If you’ve ever gotten turned on and then panicked…
If you’ve ever said yes while your body screamed nope…
If you’ve ever had sex that felt like a blackout blur—and not the fun kind—
You are so fucking not alone.
And no, you're not broken. You're not a prude. You're not “too sensitive” or “too in your head.”
You're just asking a question your sex ed never prepared you to answer:
“Is this turn-on... or trauma?”
Why Trauma Can Feel Like Arousal (At First)
Here’s the thing: arousal is a body response. Not a permission slip. Not proof of consent. And not always a signal of actual desire.
Your nervous system can confuse:
Adrenaline with excitement
Fawning with affection
Numbness with consent
Dissociation with submission
Especially if your earliest experiences of sexuality were soaked in shame, coercion, or scripts that said “being wanted is the same as being safe.”
If you learned that intimacy = performance, or that survival meant staying likable at all costs, your body might still light up when it should shut down—or go numb when it actually wants something.
Trauma fucks with your radar.
It doesn’t mean your radar is broken. It means it was reprogrammed for survival.
How to Know What’s Really Happening in Your Body
Let’s break this down without judgment. These signals aren’t tests—they’re checkpoints on your healing map.
🔥 Signs of Trauma-Based Arousal:
Your brain goes fuzzy or blank
You feel pressure to “go along with it”
You can’t feel your breath or heartbeat
You’re focused on the other person’s pleasure—not your own
You “wake up” after it’s over and feel confused, detached, or drained
💋 Signs of Pleasure-Based Arousal:
You can breathe deeply and feel grounded
You’re aware of your body in real time (not floating above it)
You feel curious, connected, maybe even playful
You notice warmth, tingles, or desire without panic
Afterward, you feel satisfied—not ashamed or dissociated
““Consent isn’t just a yes. It’s a nervous system ‘fuck yes.’ If your body isn’t on board, that’s not desire—it’s survival mode in lipstick.””
Reconnecting with Your Erotic Truth (Without Rushing It)
You don’t need to go full tantric unicorn tomorrow. You just need to slow the fuck down and give your body the mic.
1. Pause > Check In > Proceed
Before touch. During touch. After touch. Ask:
“What’s happening in my body right now?”
“Do I feel more open or more shut down?”
“If I could do anything, what would I want right now?”
2. Use Sensory Anchors
Your brain needs cues of safety. Light a candle. Use weighted blankets. Play music that makes your body unclench. Let your nervous system arrive before your hands do.
3. Explore Without a Goal
Take orgasm off the table. Hell, take genitals off the table. Let pleasure be anything:
Running your fingers through your hair
Stretching slowly with music
Touching your arm just to feel the pressure
This isn’t about performance. This is about presence.
4. Ask the Real Questions (And Write the Real Answers)
What turns me on because it feels familiar—even if it’s not safe?
When do I disappear during intimacy?
What kind of touch do I crave when I feel fully safe?
You’re not rejecting sex.
You’re rejecting the lie that your body owes anyone access.
You’re rejecting the shame-soaked idea that arousal is consent.
You’re rejecting the script that told you to say yes while disappearing.
And that is a radical, rebellious, fucking brilliant kind of healing.
